Ice Man
by Canon-Fire
Summary: There are no levels to which Mycroft would not stoop, to spy on his brother. That does not mean everything in his life, centres around Sherlock.  Mycroft/DI.Lestrade.
1. Chapter 1

"Mycroft!"

"Sherlock."

"Have you been there the whole time?"

"No I was in the lounge. Tea?"

"You were in the lounge and I didn't notice you? _I, _didn't notice you?"

"I assume you were too busy burgling me. Did you find what you were looking for? Tea?"

"Have you been crying? Are you working on a case?"

"Fascinating connection. And thank you, for sounding so shocked at the idea I'd be working on a case."

"What is it? You've never been interested in such trivia, in your own words. Yes please."

"Why are you here?"

"Hmm, avoiding the question, a case you don't want me to know about?"

"Why did you come back in, after you stole whatever it was and left?"

"I forgot one of your ID's. If it was a case you wanted to hide from me you would have stopped me when I first came in, it could be about me and not something you have information on lying around…but I haven't done anything to warrant your interest…"

"-Here's your tea, feel free to take it with you and let me know if you left behind anymore of my property-"

"-And your increasingly obvious wish not to discuss it is singular, if it was a case but not concerning me or needing to be hidden from me, you would undoubtedly have given it to me…"

"…It's not a complex deduction Sherlock, you are more than capable of making it."

"You're not on a case."

"Bravo. Are we done here?"

"Not cooking, no allergies, no evidence of experiment-"

"Sherlock!"

"You were…_actually crying._"

"I realise such displays are repellent to you, Sherlock, but humans are occasionally known to do indulge all the same. Although, it must be somewhat unusual to be interrupted by a burglary, rather than a general visitor. I'm sure you can see yourself out.

…"Is there something else I can help you with this evening, Sherlock?"

"What are you crying about?"

"Do you have to make it sound so absurd, Sherlock? I had a bad day, I thought I was privately venting frustration and you broke in, twice, I'm sorry about that."

"Fine, Mycroft, it's not an alien concept. But what's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's fine, please go home, Sherlock."

"Tell me. You can reason it out as much as you like, Mycroft, humans do cry, but I haven't seen _you _do so in over fifteen years, so what is it?"

"…If you insist. My partner ended our relationship today. It was unpleasant and unexpected. Satisfied?"

"…Your partner? You had a girlfriend?"

"Not quite."

"Boyfriend? Intriguing, Mycroft."

"Thank you, for not pretending to be surprised by his gender, if genuinely so by his existence."

"Why did he break up with you? Did you have him under very creepy surveillance too?"

"I've told you what's wrong, Sherlock, now if you don't mind, I'd quite like to go to bed."

"Tell me what happened."

"Go home, Sherlock."

"You can't tell me half a story, Mycroft, it's me, I'll only keep prying till I find out."

"…Someone told him to stay away from me. He heeded their advice."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

"Am I an experiment, Mycroft?"

"What? Why on earth would you say that?"

"Answer the question!"

"No! I would quite like an answer to mine too, now, if you don't mind, why would you ask such a thing? And why are you yelling at me?"

"You have to admit, it's a pretty odd set up. You're basically the CIA, and I'm a relatively low ranking CID officer."

"You are being ridiculous, I'm an advisor to the British Prime Minister, and you could equally call yourself a relatively high ranking CID officer, given the adverb."

"Mycroft, I am so far from joking."

"…What's wrong, Gregory, where is this coming from?"

"…Your brother saw us together."

"Oh. Did he react badly? I've heard nothing from him today."

"No, he didn't see us together like that, he simply saw us talking. Without any suspicion we might be involved, he laughed at the idea you'd strike up a friendship with me, saying you must be getting desperate."

"He means for information about him, Greg-"

"I know what he meant. Is he right then? Is this all so you can have someone spy on Sherlock while he's on a case?"

"_No!_ …Is that really what you think of me?"

"It's not what I think, Mycroft, it's what your own brother thinks! He has no reason to lie to or deceive me-"

"-And yet, you aren't seriously suggesting he never has done?"

"He stands to gain nothing from telling me to stay away from you!"

"I'm not suggesting _Sherlock _doesn't believe it, he obviously does! And to be fair to him, I have bribed his friends for information before. But _I am not bribing you. _This…has absolutely nothing to do with Sherlock."

"…He said your powers of deduction are greater than his."

"You already know that. Do you really need that to know I know slightly more about my own intentions than he does? Sherlock is brilliant, Gregory, but matters of the heart are not his forté."

"He said you're his superior in every area of detection except execution, including the art of deception."

"I wouldn't go that far, he has at the very least, got years of field experience over me, he has investment and dedication, none of which are factors to be lightly ignored. In this particular _case, _however, he is far wide of the mark. I'm…stunned, you would take him at his word over mine."

"I trust you both, it's not a question of who I trust more."

"It is exactly that question. If you don't trust me over anyone else, about how _I _feel about you, then I fear your questioning is null and void, I can't give you an answer you will believe."

"Don't walk away from me, Mycroft!"

"What else would you like me to say? Sherlock is wrong, Gregory, you're not an experiment, you're not here to spy on my brother."

"Then what am I? What is this about? Why are _you, _of all people, interested in me?"

"…I can't answer that."

"No, I was afraid you'd say that."

"You're not leaving?"

"I am, Mycroft. This…whatever it was…was great while it lasted, but this isn't real. I don't know what you want or why this started, but it ends here."

"Because my brother told you I'm using you?"

"No, because your own brother believes you are, you know why he believes it and you can't convince me it isn't true."

"Gregory-"

"What, Mycroft? I'm leaving, that's it."

"Have I ever asked you for any information whatsoever, about my brother?"

"…No…I guess…."

"Just go."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

"For what reason?"

"I don't know what level of reason I believe was involved. Apparently it is inconceivable I could strike up so much as a friendship outside of my own circle, if not to use them for information. In this case, I am as I hear it, getting desperate."

"Hard to argue with, I said basically the same thing to…

"Wait for it…"

"…Lestrade."

"Well done."

"You were dating Lestrade?"

"We had been seeing each other for six months and twelve days, to be precise. I believed, evidently mistakenly, that we were in the early stages of a serious relationship."

"…You can't be serious. You …and Lestrade…"

"I expect you're right, Sherlock, as you have proven your judgement in this area to be faultless. It's presumably me who has this wrong."

"But you _always _bribe or bully people I know for information, you've never cared about anyone!"

"…Thank you. I have bribed, or intimidated, people for information, about you and about many other things. It's a large part of my job in fact, such are the muddied waters of the British Government. I have not attempted to bribe, or intimidate Gr-Inspector Lestrade."

"I thought… I thought you were just trying to get him to trust you, so he'd talk to you about me without knowing my aversion to you spying on me."

"Yes, so I gathered, from Inspector Lestrade, when he confronted me and decided he agreed with you."

"But you have to admit it's a reasonable deduction! Far more likely than that you were secretly dating him I mean why would you!"

"Sherlock."

"He's slightly less of an idiot than other police officers, I've never seen you on first name terms with anyone who's not a politician or royal."

"He's not an idiot at all, Sherlock, he's very intelligent, he doesn't have your powers of deduction obviously-"

"Less yours."

"-But not everyone in the world thinks that the only thing that matters."

…"It's still hardly fair to expect me to know any of this! I told Lestrade the most likely hypothesis, you can't blame me for that! Or, to be fair, him, for believing me."

…"Well absolutely. My own brother told the man I love I was using him for information, said man took your word over mine and dumped me the very same day, yet it's still me, apparently, in the wrong."

"What did you say?"

"…Beg pardon?"

"Just then, you said… the man you love."

"…Go away, Sherlock."

"Mycroft- If you love him, why would he trust me, over you?"

"I'm confident that the world's only consulting detective can deduce the answer to that."

"…He doesn't-"

"Go, away. Sherlock."


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong, Sherlock?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"In that case I'll expect a replacement mug and you can clean the lethal looking shards up yourself."

"No."

"Mrs Hudson! Do you mind if I terminate my contract a little bit early?"

"_No dear that's fine, when will you be leaving us?" _

"Now, until Sherlock agrees to do his own share of the housework."

"_You won't be coming back then?" _

"No, sorry about that Mrs Hudson. I will miss you."

"_You too dear, cup of tea before you go?__"_

"I'd love one, but your only tenant threw my mug at the wall and smashed it."

"Oh shut up both of you! I'm trying to think!"

"Will you be shutting up, Mrs Hudson?"

"_No, dear. Shall _ _I make you tea in Sherlock__'__s mug instead, Doctor?__"_

"Yes please."

"I thought you were moving out."

"I will do, as soon as I've had my tea. I might smash your mug for no apparent reason when I've finished, then I'll leave it for you to clean up, then I won't tell you why."

"You're annoyed at me for smashing your mug and now you're acting like a petulant child."

"Wow, Sherlock, coming from you, that is more than a little bit rich. You could avoid all of that, I'll even let Mrs Hudson make you tea in your mug instead, if you would just tell me what's wrong."

"I told you, nothing. There's nothing wrong with me. …There's something wrong with my brother."

"He's a very scary robot man, you mean, or something other than that? - Mrs Hudson! Make that tea for Sherlock."

"Something other than that, something _opposite _to that, he wasn't being a scary robot, he was being all…normal. Scarier."

"Define normal, when applied to a Holmes?"

"Well, what makes me abnormal, to you, what situations make it apparent?"

"Your total lack of tact and consideration…so, situations that require compassion, or interest in human interaction? I don't understand, Mycroft reacted to something like a normal human? What was it?"

"I saw him talking to Lestrade and warned Lestrade what he's like."

"Oh, yeah I know, he told me."

"What did you say?"

"That Mycroft regularly kidnaps me for information on you and that he's very scary."

"Did you get any sense at all, that Lestrade knew him?"

"Mycroft? …No, I don't think so. He just…well he stormed off. I assumed he was angry he was being involved in yours and Mycroft's business."

"You assumed wrong. As did I. He was angry, but I don't think he knew why at that point."

"What do you mean?"

"He didn't know what to believe, that's why he asked you, after I spoke to him. He wasn't sure whether to be angry at Mycroft, for what we'd told him and the possibility it was true, or angry at us, for insulting his…boyfriend."

"…Wait, what? …His, Mycroft?"

"Not anymore."

"What?"

"Lestrade believed what I told him. That would be fine, but I think I was wrong. Mycroft, might have been sincere."

"With Lestrade? Mycroft? Sherlock…"

"…John that was just a list of names, that's not helpful."

"What makes you think he was sincere?"

"Well, I broke into this flat last night to borrow some files. I found him sitting in the dark crying."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

"Dr Watson, what can I do for you?"

"Can I come in?"

"…Certainly, this way."

"Lovely home you have here."

"Thank you. I'll trust that you're not on a scouting mission for my brother."

"No, but it is kind of about him."

"Is there anything he doesn't tell you, doctor?"

"Yes, lots, even when I ask him to repeatedly. Sometimes I throw things at him and he still doesn't tell me. This, he did mention."

"Yes, well if you'll forgive me John, I don't particularly want to talk about it."

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, neither of us knew about you and Lestrade, we would never have-"

"You? Oh I see, that would explain why he was already pretty certain by the time he spoke to me. I take it the inspector asked you if Sherlock was right?"

"Not as such, he just told me what had happened…"

"…Yes?"

"I um…told him your general way of communicating with me. …And that you're a bit scary."

"…"

"I'm sorry, Mycroft, all we knew was that you'd been talking to him, Sherlock was on a case with Lestrade at the time-"

"I know, John. Please, don't apologise. You didn't do anything wrong. That is precisely the problem."

"Sorry, you've lost me."

"The problem faced by the deductive logician, goes beyond impatience when it comes to social niceties. Those things can be learned, Sherlock chooses not to. What Sherlock and I do, is look at a picture and separate the effect, from the reality. In some cases it means Sherlock can solve a baffling murder in a matter of seconds, or I can tell the treasury exactly how much their illegal war is going to cost in lives, money and bad press, before they go ahead with it anyway. It also means knowing when an apparently happy marriage is falling apart, or when a passing stranger is suicidal. The problem you cannot avoid or learn to ignore, is truth."

"I don't understand."

"It leads to both myself and Sherlock knowing, that Gregory Lestrade didn't believe a word I said, but took both of your warnings on board and that you both spoke in honesty. I'm sorry to disappoint you Dr Watson, but your apologies and sympathy can't disguise brutal fact."

"But none of us knew, what everyone else knew, if that makes sense, none of this is based on truth!"

"You're not listening, John. It doesn't matter what either you or Sherlock said. I can't pretend to be pleased that my little brother didn't even consider another possibility, but he had no reason to. None of that matters. What I didn't say, is what was wrong. I didn't stop him leaving, which means he didn't want to stay. Sherlock only exposed a doomed relationship, he didn't condemn it himself."

"But…you're not just going to let it end?"

"No, doctor, I'm going to accept that it has ended and return to a more intelligent point of view more familiar to my brother. Sentiment is a chemical defect of the losing side."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

"What are you doing here, Sherlock, I don't need you on this."

"That's a matter of opinion, Lestrade, but I need to talk to you, not about the case."

"You never need to talk about anything other than a case."

"It's about my brother."

…"What about him?"

"Why didn't you tell me you'd been in a relationship with him for six months?"

"That is no longer relevant and I never saw that it was any of your business."

"He's my brother."

"Yes, the brother you casually told me doesn't make friends he can't exploit and makes a habit of paying people to spy on you. You must be close."

"What I told you about Mycroft was the exact and literal truth, based on the facts available to me. If I don't have all the facts, I will come to the wrong conclusion."

"Well you didn't. Did you work it out, or did Mycroft tell you?"

"He told me, with some persuasion. Look, I don't pretend to be close to, or even to particularly like my brother, however, I would not have sabotaged his relationship knowingly."

"I'm moved and pleased for you, but I'm not particularly interested in your guilt. Like most of our cases, you get to the end much quicker than I do."

"This isn't a case, Lestrade."

"Well then it won't matter to you, will it."

"Will you just listen to me? I got it wrong. Entirely wrong. I don't believe I can be blamed for that given the information kept from me, but it is still the case."

"…Say that again?"

"You heard."

"I did, but I'd still like to hear it again. Wait - now."

"You're not filming it, Lestrade."

"If you don't, I'll have you escorted from my crime scene."

"This is childish."

"As ever, I'm dealing with a child. Say it again?"

"_Fine! _I was wrong! It wasn't actually my- well that's just an incomplete and misleading recording."

"I'm going to set it as my text tone."

"Fine, just, will you please talk to Mycroft?"

"No."

"What? Why?"

"That you think you were wrong, while miraculous, doesn't change anything. I have nothing more to say to your brother, or to you about your brother."

"Well then you're an idiot."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard that too and I'll be more than willing to repeat it if you need a ring tone."

"Sherlock, you don't know what you're talking about-"

"-I told you Mycroft doesn't have any friends outside of his own circle, I was wrong about that, he had more than a friend in you. As I was wrong about that, I have no clues or ideas, about my brother's intentions. It was from me telling you his likely intentions, you dumped him. I had to rethink this in the light of new information. It strikes me as considerably more important that _you _should be rethinking, wouldn't you agree?"

"…I didn't, _dump _him…"

"Is that not the accepted term for a one sided decision to end a relationship?"

"You're making it sound him sound like some heartlessly jilted bride, Sherlock, we'd been seeing each other and now we're not, I'm sure we'll recover."

"You certainly seem to have done so remarkably quickly. Am I to assume Mycroft is right then, you did not reciprocate his own feelings?"

"Oh, you Holmes' have feelings do you?"

"…I can see this is a lost cause. You're even more of an idiot than I thought."

"Sherlock! Where are you going?"

"Home. Evidently I'm not needed here, you have come to your own conclusions, however erroneous they may be."

"I'm pretty sure I'd know more about my own relationship than you, Sherlock!"

"An idiotic notion in normal circumstances, in this one, it's positively moronic. You would agree, that my brother never lies?"

"…Yes. He might be an inscrutable git, but an honest one."

"I'd question why you chose to believe me over him, in that case."

"I didn't, I believed his total silence, when I asked him what his real interest was. I'd call that fairly conclusive, wouldn't you?"

"On that, I have no idea, relationships are not my forté. What I do know is that Mycroft has told me of the worst levels of corruption in the western world, yet what he told me yesterday, stunned and slightly horrified me, more than any of that. I'm glad you'll agree he was telling the truth."

"And what was it?"

"He told me he loved you."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hiya folks, thanks for your reviews so far! I'm hoping the dialogue only thing isn't too confusing, I always prefer writing dialogue to anything else and with this I thought I'd just cut to the chase a bit. :P Hope you're enjoying it. =)**

* * *

><p>"No joy with Mycroft, he's doing that inscrutable ice man thing you always do."<p>

"Mm, Moriarty's nickname is ironic really, Mycroft is far better at pretending to be normal than I am."

"You're starting to creep me out a bit Sherlock, from what Lestrade said you told him about Mycroft, 'desperate for information' mishap aside, you are actually nice to your brother when he's not listening."

"Don't be ridiculous. I am accurate, about Mycroft, as about all things. He _is_ my superior in deduction and he does interact socially, better than I do. All the more annoying of him to be a lazy politician."

"How did you get on with Lestrade?"

"I fear Mycroft was right. Lestrade isn't interested in him now, if he ever was."

"But that can't be right, surely Mycroft would notice the signs."

"That's what I assumed before talking to Lestrade, but he doesn't appear to feel either hurt or guilty, just, disinterested."

"But Mycroft would know all that, wouldn't he? Why would the break up have affected him, if he already knew Lestrade wasn't really interested?"

"Wishful thinking?"

"That really doesn't sound right."

"No. No I know, but whatever the truth is, Lestrade is adamant it's over now, I don't think there's anything more to be done."

"Mycroft said the same, with an utterly depressing quote of yours actually, that horrible 'sentiment is a weakness of the losing side' thing. He said he accepted it was over and that was it. You know, Sherlock if I didn't know better, I'd say he was…"

"Go on, say it. …Heart broken?"

"Does Mycroft have a heart?"

"Well, ignoring the physiological idiocy of that, I'd say that in the strictest sense, Mycroft has whatever he's required to have. If Lestrade didn't fit into his job, he fitted in somewhere in his life and letting him in, required normal human feelings. I'm certain you're aware by now John, even we're not always in control of those."

"So, Mycroft didn't mean to fall for Lestrade, but he did? The same could be true in reverse, couldn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if I was Lestrade and Mycroft - imagining he was not your brother which makes this analogy creepy - was hitting on me, I'd be flattered enough to want to be interested. But you can't force yourself to fall for someone."

"You're saying they stayed together for six months because Lestrade wanted it to work?"

"They wouldn't be the first." "No, they would be the first involving my brother though. Is any of this ringing true for you John?"

"No, absolutely not. But we were wrong before. All of this is, arguably down to us thinking we knew the relevant facts about Mycroft, all of which appear to be wrong."

…"I cannot believe I'm discussing my brother's stunningly existent love-life as though it's a case. I don't have time for this."

"Sherlock-"

"John, just let it go. It was none of our business to begin with and there's clearly nothing we can do about it."

"It could well be our fault, doesn't that make it our business?"

"All evidence would suggest we were a catalyst, not a component."

"Yeah, that's what Mycroft said. '_Sherlock merely exposed a doomed relationship'. _Cheerful sod isn't he?…Sherlock?"

"What?"

"You were doing that staring off into the distance thing, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

…"I still think we should be doing something to help."

"If it helps alleviate your guilt, remember Mycroft's fondness for mild yet frequent kidnap."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

'_Did you tell Sherlock you loved me? GL'_

'_Nothing is ever said in confidence with my brother is it. M'_

'_That's cruel, Mycroft, beneath you. GL'_

'_Really, you're just going to ignore me now? GL'_

'_Didn't you tell Sherlock you had nothing more to say to me? M'_

'_Did he tell you that? GL'_

'_No. M'_

'_I did tell him that, but that was before he stormed off with some guff about you saying you loved me. He's your brother, you don't have to like each other for that to be wrong. GL'_

'_Sorry, are you suggesting I lied to Sherlock to make him feel guilty? M'_

'_Don't pretend you didn't. GL' _

_'To what end, exactly? M'_

'_Do you two need a reason to be horrible to each other? GL' _

_'As you have met Sherlock, I'll presume I don't need to explain why what I told him was considerably less 'horrible' for him, than for me. M'_

'_Bullshit, he was distraught. GL' _

_'Sherlock, Inspector Lestrade seems to think I upset you the other day, I'm sorry, if that's the case, I thought I made it clear I didn't blame you. M'_

'_Are you feeling alright? S' _

'_Fine, thank you. L must have been mistaken. M' _

_'What did he say? S' _

'_That I told you I loved him and that you were distraught. M' _

_'I believe my exact words were 'horrified', clearly misinterpreted. You are talking though, evidently? S' _

'_Not as such. He believes I did it to make you feel guilty. I'm glad that neither the intention nor the result were accurate. M'_

_ 'You know I'm not interesting in such things, Mycroft. You are starting to concern me though, are you sure you're alright? S'_

'_Stop ignoring me, Mycroft, I'm serious, you better put this right. GL'_

_'Mycroft? S'_

'_Sherlock, can I borrow your blogger? M'_

_'What for? S' _

_'Need advice from a normal person. M'_

_ 'Mycroft, it's John, advice on what? JH'_

'_If one of your girlfriends dumped you then three days later, accused you of pretending to be upset about it to spite your sister, how rude a text would be ill advised, do you think? M' _

'_Don't text him, Mycroft. JH' _

_'What did you say? S' _

_'How did you know? M' _

_'I only ask John for advice when I've already said something I suspect might have been a bit not good.' _

_'Genetics are a funny thing aren't they. M' _

'_What did you say? S' _

_'I'll forward it to you. Tell John I said thanks anyway. M' _

"John…I take it back, we may have been better off treating this as a case and continuing to work on it."

"Why?"

"I have a feeling my professional relationship with Lestrade might be compromised in the future."

"Mycroft didn't take my advice, did he?"

"Not as such, no."

"Not good?"

"It's quite impressive actually, I knew he was dangerous, but I always assumed I was the only person he was physically able to be anything less than excruciatingly polite too."

"Let me see?"

'_FUCK OFF ,YOU BLIND, INSENSITIVE BASTARD. IF YOU EVER USE THIS NUMBER AGAIN I WILL HAVE YOU SENT DOWN. FOR SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING SEEDY TOO. M.' _

…"Bit not good."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

"Come on, it's not Sherlock's fault. Stopping consulting him isn't going help anyone."

"Actually John it's entirely Sherlock's fault, from beginning to end."

"How are you working that out?"

"If he'd have kept his solicitous advice about his brother to himself, I would never have broken up with Mycroft. If he'd then just lived with his decision, I wouldn't have contacted Mycroft again. Now both Holmes' and anyone who wishes to continue discussing them, can hang, for all I care."

"That doesn't make sense, Lestrade, you said Sherlock wasn't the reason you broke up with him. It certainly wasn't Sherlock's fault you completely misinterpreted his attempt to tell you he'd been wrong."

"I could ruin him, with that text you know, if I showed it to a single other person."

"I would say that would be very unwise."

"Is that a threat, John?"

"Why would I bother threatening you? The most dangerous man I've ever met is already pretty pissed with you."

"I've said all I have to say about this, I don't need Sherlock at the moment anyway. Until I stop wanting to punch him for looking vaguely like his brother, it's probably best he's not at my crime scenes."

…"Greg, why don't you just apologise?"

"_Me apologise? _You have read that text, have you John?"

"Yes I did, Mycroft forwarded it to Sherlock."

"Lovely, so not only is he an arrogant, childish git, but he likes to share our business with the brother who hates him enough to warn _me, _to stay away from him. Sorry, where does me apologising come into this? They're twisted, both of them, no good can possibly come of any kind of relationship with either of them."

"You know that's not true, Greg."

"…I'm sorry John, I know Sherlock's your friend-"

"_He's your friend too."_

"Alright, and I'm sorry, I didn't intend to involve him in my private life. I don't blame him, but I don't want him around right now. Mycroft, has made his views more than adequately clear."

"No, Greg you've made _your _views clear. You let Mycroft think your opinion of him was so low, that he would use the end of your relationship to make Sherlock feel guilty. Now that really is twisted."

"There's no way he was really that upset! You've met him John, it's _Mycroft._"

"Yeah, Mycroft. Who I didn't think knew what a relationship was. Who I've never seen look or sound, anything less than perfectly composed, at all times. Whose relationship with his brother extends to intermittent kidnapping, when he wants a case solved for him. Not Mr emotional, exactly, we'd agree?"

"Well yeah! He's not really the kind to-"

"Be found in tears by his brother and discovered to have been in a relationship for six months previously?"

"There's no way-"

"That Mycroft Holmes, Ice Man, _the _British Government, would write an angry, clearly very offended and seriously indiscreet text, to a former boyfriend, before forwarding it to the brother you think hates him."

"…"

"But he did, all because of you."


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi folks, sorry for the delay. This one was rather more difficult than the rest. Four chapters in and the pure-dialogue aspect finally started to give me some composition issues. I hope it still works! **

* * *

><p>'<em>Sherlock, once more and I<em>_'__ll take it back. Remember I have an army at my behest. M__'_

"Hm, still paying attention then. Very slow though."

"What's that?"

"Mycroft, I used his access-all-areas ID to get into MI6 this morning, he's only just noticed."

"Sherlock, you could be shot for that!"

"Unlikely. Anyway, it was an experiment."

"An experiment? So not even for a case? No lives at stake, nobody being sent slowly mad…"

"I haven't been pestered by Mycroft for almost two days now, just checking…"

"You mean you were worried about him and rather than, I don't know, call him, you broke into MI6?"

"I'm not worried. Besides, it serves him right, I need something to occupy me."

"Serves him right for what?"

_'__I was bored and it__'__s your fault. You really ought to up their security you know. S__'__  
><em>

"Scotland Yard are currently working on a double murder case, the papers are being so vague there is undoubtedly something significant, but unexplained, involved."

"Ah, Lestrade still isn't consulting you."

_'__I can only apologise for that. I can__'__t up their security against *you* while you have *my* ID card. M__'_

"Do you want me to try to talk to him again?"

"No, John, he'll show up when he can't work it out. He has absolutely no reason to be angry at me. Come to think of it, he has no reason to be angry at Mycroft either."

"That's never stopped you going out of your way to annoy him. And that text was pretty brutal."

"Brutal? I'd have called it rather ill considered and stupid. Sending it to me was even stupider."

"…Sherlock, you wouldn't…"

"In this instance, I won't, but of course I would, it's me and something relating to my brother. It's is purely the unprecedented nature of Mycroft doing something so…"

"Human?"

"Weak."

"Sherlock for the love of g-"

"What? I'm telling you I _won__'__t _do anything with it."

"You also think getting upset is a sign of weakness."

"Well what would you call it?"

"Human!"

"And humans are a known bastion of strength now?"

"No they're just something we, well most of us, can't help being. Including Mycroft, evidently."

"Quite."

_'__Sherlock I am going to kill you. M__'_

"Now what?"

"Have you done something other than break into MI6?"

"Not in the last minute, no…must be some unexpected fall out."

'_What happened? S__'_

'_Coming round. Just got a text I__'__d like to show you in person. M__'_

"John, we need to go out, right now."

"You don't have much experience with asking people out do you Sherlock?"

"I'm serious, we need to not be here."

'_Don__'__t even think about going out. I__'__ll kill you much worse if you make me chase you. M__'_

"Ha, he's not getting all that slow then Sherlock."

"I don't have time for this, John!"

"Yeah you do, you have time for basically anything, you haven't got a single case." _  
><em>

"That's not the point."

"Look, Sherlock, you wanted to know he hadn't somehow lost his powers of omniscience, now you can at least check how he's doing."

"I know how he's doing, he's proving his own mantra."

"Which is?"

"_Caring is never an advantage."_

"Good God. You don't need either of your brains to see the blood between you two do you."

"What does that mean?"

"It means you're both as emotionally-Oh, not good."

"What is it?"

"Lestrade's here."

"Ha! I knew he'd have no choice about the Boston case. It does look promising."

"Mycroft is also here."

"…Oh."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

"Mycroft!"

"Oh! …Gregory, what are you doing here?"

"Me? I need Sherlock for a case, obviously. What are _you _doing here?"

"I er…need to talk to Sherlock about something…it can wait, I'll come back later."

"Don't leave on my account, Mycroft. If you need to talk to Sherlock it must be pretty urgent."

"No, no it can wait. I know he's desperate for a case anyway, I won't slow him down."

"Oh, very subtle."

"…What is?"

"He's desperate for a case? If I haven't consulted him in a few days, Mycroft, it's your fault, not mine."

…"I wasn't suggesting-"

"Do your superiors know what you use your Government issue blackberry for?"

"No. Yes-Greg…I'll come back later."

"Good grief, don't tell me the great Mycroft Holmes doesn't know what to say?"

"To you, Gregory? I should have thought I'd made it abundantly clear I rarely do, even when the most important things depend on it."

"…What?"

"…Nothing. I…I should go."

"Mycroft-"

"-Let go, Greg."

"Tell me what you meant."

"Why? So you can tell me I'm lying to spite my brother? Or some other equally ridiculous way of not acknowledging the truth?"

"If what you told Sherlock was the truth why is that not what you told _me?"  
><em>  
>"<em>Get off me Gregory-"<em>

- "Mycroft, Lestrade, what the hell is going on?"

"Sherlock. Nothing, the inspector and I just collided on arrival. Afternoon, Doctor Watson."

"Hi Mycroft. Erm, Greg…"

"…Lestrade, I suggest you unhand him, that umbrella is not nearly as innocent as it looks."

…"Thank you. Sherlock, I'll come back later, Inspector Lestrade has a case for you.

"What? No, wait, what happened at MI6?"

"I'll come back later, carry on with the Boston murder. You might want to talk to the gardener."

"Mycroft, you said it was important, my impending death from fratricide, sort of important…"

"Tsk, making threats again, Mycroft? This is becoming an unpleasant habit."

"Lestrade! Shut up. Mycroft, MYCROFT! John, go after him."

"Me? …Right…"

- "What the hell was that about, Lestrade?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter. We were just talking."

"I don't mean you talking, I mean _that_, 'making threats again' comment."

"Well you did say he threatened to kill you…"

"Lestrade, believe me when I say I have _no _interest in yours and Mycroft's former relationship, but this is my home, _I _am the only person allowed to drive my brother away from it."

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry, wrong time and place. I just, didn't expect to see him."

"…Interesting."

"What is?"

"Nothing. You're here about the Boston case?"

"Yes, I'm er…sorry I didn't come to you straight away but-"

"You were angry at Mycroft and not wishing to discuss it. I did wonder what that has to do with me but John said indirectly blaming connected people is something normal people sometimes do."

"Right, so will you come see the crime scene?"

"No need."

"What do you mean?"

"Didn't you hear?"

"Hear what?"

"Mycroft. It was the gardener."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

"Mycroft! Wait."

"Not now, John."

"Mycroft, I'm sorry about that, we didn't know Lestrade was on his way."

"I know. Excuse me."

"He doesn't mean it, you know, he's just-"

"Do you know it's a fairly serious offence, to block the way of a Government Official while he's trying to get into his car?"

"Is it?"

"If I want it to be."

"Just come back, whatever you had to talk to Sherlock about must be important and he wants to talk to you."

"It would be miraculous indeed, if that were true, John, but either way, I'll talk to him another time. It's not important."

"You said you were going to kill him."

"Frankly he would deserve it. As it is, I was merely going to glare at him until he played some vile pointed tune on that wretched violin of his, assuring me all is normal in Sherlock land."

"Wait, you're worried about him now?"

"…I believe we covered this point rather well, John. Constantly."

"But Sherlock's fine, it's you who is quite obviously not, this time."

"John, I'm not actually the first person in the world to break up with someone. It might absolutely amaze you to know it's not my first break up either."

"…It doesn't amaze…Yeah alright, fine, I thought it probably was, but that's not the point, is it? It's normal to be upset about it."

"I would have thought you'd worked out by now, there's very little 'normal' about my family."

"But you have been, entirely normal about this. You care about Greg and he hurt you, why bother denying you're upset now?"

"You think it has served me well so far, do you? I didn't involve Gregory in either my work, or my secondary occupation of keeping an eye on my brother, which clearly made all the difference in the world. I didn't bother trying to hide it from Sherlock and it's taken till now, for someone to acknowledge my reaction as normal, rather than some kind of act to spite my brother!"

"…I know. I'm sorry, Mycroft. Look, Sherlock sent me after you, please just come back and talk to him."

"Doctor Watson, you are in very serious danger of testing my patience."

"Don't threaten me, Mycroft, where would Sherlock be without me?"

"I'm not threatening you! For god's sake do I need a verbal disclaimer every time I-"

"Mycroft! Calm down, I wasn't being serious…"

"I was angry! I know I shou…shouldn't…have…"

"Oh, my God…don't do that."

"There you go doctor, normal enough for you? Now will you get out of the way of my car?"

"…Yeah, just…Mycroft, don't cry."


	5. Chapter 5

"Has Sherlock ever told you about his first case?"

"Carl Powers, you mean?"

"Of course, James Moriarty was kind enough to bring it to your attention."

"Hard to forget having a bomb strapped to your chest."

"My apologies, it's not important."

"No-No, Mycroft, that was stupid, sorry, go ahead, what about Carl Powers?"

"Sherlock was twelve, he knew something was wrong with the case just from reading the papers and of course, even then, his is not a voice it's wise to ignore."

"He told me nobody believed him, that's why the case didn't get solved."

"Not entirely true; I believed him. I was nineteen, at University, I'd already been approached by MI6 and Sherlock knew it. He also knew I believed him and that, in all probability, I'd worked out more of what had really happened than he had."

"But you didn't do anything?"

"No. I had other things to consider. I didn't have the time or the wherewithal to find the necessary proof and if I'd have gone blabbing to the police like Sherlock, it would have damaged my reputation more than I was willing to risk."

"You let Carl Powers' murderer get away with it."

"There are unsolved deaths everyday John, I can't act on every one I guess the explanation to and if I could, courts deal in evidence. At the time of Carl Powers' death, there was none. As I told you before, the plight of the logician is never being able to ignore brutal truth. To Sherlock, though, it was indicative of everything I am. He has to prove everything and exerts everything he has to show he's right. I could exert slightly less than everything to prove the same, but I'd rather be thought of as wrong than take the time to prove otherwise."

"Is that what you mean when you say there's too much resentment between you? Is that why he…"

"Can't stand me? Yes, in a round about sort of way. He's right though. It is a sign. He's my brother and I have him on the same surveillance level as suspected terrorists in London. When I want to ask his one and only friend if he's okay, I kidnap him."

"It shows you care."

"Caring is not the point. You care, how do you go about showing it?"

"Everybody's different. You and Sherlock are…really different."

"Precisely. Sherlock knows he's somewhat deficient in human sympathy, but it doesn't matter because the important people know he does have feelings. Incidentally that is irrefutable evidence his self-diagnosis is incorrect. Yours is too, he has no place anywhere on the Aspergic spectrum."

"So what is he then?"

"Unusually intelligent, unusually disinterested in the mundane. There's no neat little label for it, as distasteful to modern minds as that might be."

"Okay, so Sherlock is one of a kind. What about you, where is all this coming from?"

"I never cared about any of it, I never needed an audience. Figures, policies, corruption, the absolute inevitability of one crisis after another, it's dependable but it pushes the boundaries of my mind and that's all I ever needed. I used to solve Sherlock's cases without telling him as a hobby. People tend to react to me with either overzealous subordination, wariness or as in your case, irritation and that works well enough for me. Gregory was the only man I ever knew who did none of those things."

"What did he do?"

"He laughed at me."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

"How's he doing?"

"Not good. Really, not good. He was serious, Sherlock, he loves Lestrade. He's angry at him now but it's nothing, he's besotted, I don't even think he blames him for leaving, he assumes it's his fault because Lestrade is the good guy."

"What do you mean?"

"He said Lestrade was the only person who ever treated him like a normal person, like he's not the British Government or the man behind the cameras following his little brother around, he's just him. This isn't going to go away, Lestrade changed Mycroft, in his view for the better, if they don't get back together Mycroft isn't going to move on."

"Hmm."

"Hmm? What do you mean, hmm?"

"I'd be inclined to agree with you, only I don't know how good an idea it would be for them to get back together. Maybe this is a lesson Mycroft just has to learn, he'll know better next time he goes all starry eyed because someone laughs at him."

"Sherlock that's- Wait how did you know about that?"

"I saw him, when I saw them talking and warned Lestrade about Mycroft. I knew there was something wrong at the time but I couldn't pinpoint it. Lestrade was laughing, that's what prompted me to tell him if Mycroft is befriending him ,it's not for good reason, but what I didn't think of was what Mycroft was doing. If he really had been pretending to be normal to make a friend, he'd have been laughing too, but he wasn't, he just looked…confused."

"What, after six months, he still wasn't used to it?"

"More accurately, still couldn't explain it. He was interested in Lestrade because of it, but it's clearly a massive insecurity. He didn't know whether Lestrade was quite as fascinated with him as he was in return, that's why he thought Lestrade leaving had proved he wasn't."

"But you don't think that now?"

"No, I think both of their interests were genuine and considerable, but that doesn't make their relationship advisable."

"What? That makes no sense, Sherlock, if they love each other, why wouldn't their relationship be 'advisable'?"

"John, you aren't seriously asking me that question."

"Ah. You think love is a dangerous distraction."

"I know, love is a dangerous distraction."

"Or more accurately, you hate the idea your brother was confused or wrong footed by anyone that isn't you. Even though you're worried about him and angry at Lestrade, you'd rather just consider their break up to mean case closed, than go out of your way to help which you know will mean accepting Mycroft is allowing, 'a dangerous distraction'."

"Don't be absurd."

"Absurd? If it's absurd, why did you want me to go after Mycroft when you knew Lestrade had upset him? Five minutes before that you were planning on going out just to avoid him."

"I wanted to know what happened at MI6."

"Sherlock, you can't protect him by not helping get them back together."

"I made one mistake in this boring nonsense already, at Mycroft's expense. I won't make another one by thinking I can change their minds."

"Schrodinger's cat."

"What?"

"You are familiar with the experiment?"

"Of course I am. To explain the Copenhagen Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics, Schrodinger proposed an experiment involving a cat in a sealed container and a small risk of exposure to radioactivity. Until the container is unsealed, the cat can be considered both alive and dead."

"Or…"

"Or what? That's the entire thing, in admittedly loose summation."

"Okay, so imagine the cat is Lestrade and Mycroft, the sealed container is their break up and you are standing on the outside."

"Mycroft and Lestrade could be dead or alive, until I open their break up?"

"Sherlock."

"…Oh. You mean unless I get them back together, there's no way of knowing whether the relationship was a good thing or a bad thing, but it will still have a definable effect."

"I mean, the damage is already done. You could, potentially undo it, but the only thing you definitely can't do, without being directly responsible for all future unhappiness, is nothing."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

"Mycroft! Come in, come up, quick!"

"…Oh, sorry, clearly I haven't woken up yet, I'll come back when I'm not astral travelling."

"Just come up!"

"Are you feeling quite alright, little brother?"

"I'm fine, tell me what happened at MI6!"

"Ha, good lord, Sherlock, have you really been waiting two days just for that? You could have phoned."

"I didn't think…I thought I'd better leave you alone."

"Are you sure I'm awake?"

"What happened at MI6?"

"MI6 got two, unexpected visitors on the morning in question-"

"One was me, who was the other? Someone you work for?"

"Try not to sound so gleeful Sherlock. Not someone I work for, as such, more someone I work in spite of. He sits at the helm with his tan, looking chinless, I clean up the mess he makes. Rather like a toddler with a blue toy steering wheel. And technically, one of them wasn't you."

"I don't get it, who was it? And why wasn't one of them me?"

"He didn't see you and you used my ID, he thinks it was me."

"What? Who does? What are you talking about?"

"Here, let me show you-"

_'Mr Holmes, I'm not accustomed to being ignored on state visits, even by you. Your superiors will hear about this. - DC'_

"…Who's DC?"

"Good grief, Sherlock, really? Oh never mind, ask John.

"Did you get in trouble?"

"No, I told them I gave my little brother a level five access security card to play with."

"What did you do?"

"What I do generally, I let unintelligent people imagine I care what they think and expressed my utter mortification at having not noticed him or the clashing dates of our visits."

"…Sorry, Mycroft."

"Right that's it, I'm going back to work, there's no possibility this isn't a dream."

"-No, Mycroft. Look, I…hope you work things out with Lestrade."

"That's not going to happen, Sherlock and I'd rather not discuss it, if you don't mind."

"Fine, but John is right."

"It would be a first on this subject. Right about what, exactly?"

"As a case, neither account adds up. The conclusion of this ending ingloriously, is fraught with inconsistencies. The reason you're fighting now, is the same reason he left and you didn't stop him. You share a motive and this case isn't going to be over, until you at least, talk about it."


	6. Chapter 6

"Alright, John, it's not that funny."

"It really, really is. Poor Mycroft, no wonder he was going to kill you!"

"Well obviously I overlooked that possibility. I might not know much about politics but I know that can't be a regular occurrence."

"The Prime Minister dropping in on MI6, or the delinquent detective who broke in the same day not knowing who he is?"

"Are you quite finished, John?"

"No, but Mycroft could have been."

"Oh shut up, Mycroft is more than capable of handling some stupid politician having a tantrum. In fact that's more or less his job description."

"I'm amazed he was so calm about it to be fair, that's a real reason he could be mad at you."

"You don't really think he cares what whoever he is thinks, do you?"

"Well he is the Prime Minister, Sherlock, it's kinda in all of our interests to care what he thinks."

"Hah, and you think _I_ don't know anything about politics. Besides, if anything, it seemed to have cheered him up a bit."

"You're kidding right? He must have gotten a right bollocking for that."

"Yes, by a moron, that's normal in his job, it's also normal for me to annoy the hell out of him, quite deliberately. He seemed less mopey at least."

"It's a hell of a stretch to say he seemed mopey to begin with. For the most part he's as emotionally expressive as a stuffed frog."

"To you, maybe."

"Did you talk to him about Lestrade?"

"I told him your hypothesis, yes."

"That they're both in love and will both be miserable until they do something about it?"

"In less ridiculous terms, yes."

"What did he say?"

"He left, saying at least one of us was clearly dreaming."

"Ugh, why must you Holmes' think you know everything? If even just occasionally, one of you would take advice from another human _before _you'd acted, life might be a hell of a lot simpler."

"Or we might have made a whole lot of mistakes. Nobody knows everything. We know more than most. Simple statistics suggest we're better off taking our own advice, or…"

"Each other's?"

"Well, yes."

"Which is a shame really as you're too proud to ever accept his help and he's too busy spying on you to ever ask for yours."

"Whereas your relationship with your sister sets the standard for siblings everywhere. At least I see Mycroft between Christmases."

"Mycroft isn't an alcoholic!"

"And I am a drug addict."

"…Were."

"No, I am, a drug addict who chooses not to take drugs. You'd know, John, how fast an older brother disappears into the background, when a younger sibling disappoints them."

"…Is that really why you don't get on?"

"Heh, Mycroft told me you were convinced it was some petty childhood squabble. Really John, you should know better."

"Surely Mycroft didn't leave you alone when you were on drugs though, when she's in a really bad state is the other time I see Harry between Christmases."

"Of course he didn't. First he tried himself, then he sent other people to do his dirty work for him, story of a lifetime."

…"Well, the point still stands, you could both benefit from listening to someone else on this. I know you don't hate your brother and he certainly doesn't hate you, he and Lestrade were both better off with each other."

"Do you know John, I think you're right. I've chosen a method that is not my own for this case."

"Whose is it?"

"Mycroft's. You go talk to him, although I wouldn't advise an attempt to kidnap him."

"What makes you think he'll listen to me this time?"

"Because you're going to tell him Lestrade isn't finding working with me very easy, then you're going to remind him what happened last time I didn't have police cases to distract me."

…"You're a bad man."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

"John, to what do I owe the pleasure."

"Why did your PA send me to the wrong address the first time?"

"Well I requested no visitors today and as you're an exceptional case, she wanted to test how important it was."

"She couldn't have just asked me?"

"Naturally not, she works for me."

"Good point. Well it is very important, we need to talk."

"Indeed, what about?"

"Lestrade. Well, Sherlock, but with regards to Lestrade."

"John, I don't mean to be rude or in any sense, ungrateful, for your efforts the last time we discussed Inspector Lestrade, but I have no wish to do so again. …What about Sherlock?"

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but you have to, he's refusing to work with Sherlock and I'm worried Sherlock is getting bored."

"You think he's going to relapse?"

"It's possible, especially as in this case, he hasn't done anything to annoy Lestrade himself."

"I see. You're suggesting I should talk to Lestrade, to convince him to work with Sherlock again, to prevent such an occurrence?"

"In a nutshell, yeah."

"And this was entirely your idea?"

"…Yep."

"In that case, when you go back to your flat which will be almost immediately, tell my brother I might have taken my eye off the ball for a day or two but I'm not an idiot. He _has_ been consulting with Inspector Lestrade and he hasn't had anything close to a danger night in almost a year."

…"Okay, that part wasn't true, but really Mycroft, I don't think you have any grounds to be angry here. Sherlock told me why you two don't get on."

"Did he."

"Don't think you can scare me with that quiet and dangerous tone either, Sherlock is worried about you, we're just trying to help, which would be much easier if you and Sherlock were able to communicate like adults!"

"And the fact that we're not, is my fault, is that what you're saying Doctor?"

"Yes! - But that's not the point, the point is, you don't want to talk about it, but you have to. It's not going to go away."

"Sherlock should learn to tell a full tale, if he's going to tell them, John. You don't realize a point of connection here."

"What connection?"

"No doubt, Sherlock told you that during the worst of his addiction years, I disappeared and someone else took over the more unpleasant aspects of dealing with his problem?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't, to begin with. Sherlock and I had been at odds since his teenage years, as I explained, since Carl Powers. Nevertheless I believed, foolishly, that I could stop him. I tried everything, he was only getting worse and hating me more with every effort made. It's easy to look back and say as he's now clean, all it would have taken was patience and I gave up too early. At the time, there was no sign of a reprieve and every indication I was making things worse. In the end, it became obvious I had to do the one thing that comes hardest to both of us; trust someone else."

"One of your minions?"

"No John, someone who had seen a hundred addicts like Sherlock and would know a brilliant mind when he saw it. Someone who could give him something to stay clean for."

"Oh God."

"Well done John, you're not nearly as incapable of deduction as Sherlock suggests."

"You asked Lestrade to work with him. That's how you met?"

"Of course."

"But it was years before you got together?"

"Sherlock's increased profile led to us having to meet more often. Now if you will excuse me John, I'm rather busy."

"I'm sorry."

"What for now?"

"Using Lestrade and Sherlock's connection to convince you to call him is really unfair, now that I know all that."

"Which as you didn't, we can consider irrelevant."

"You should though."

"I should what, John?"

"Call him."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

'_That was uncalled for, Sherlock. M'_

_'It was necessary. Call him. S'_

_'No what's necessary, is you and Robin butting out. Thank you. M'_

"Who's Robin?"

"You what?"

"Oh, sorry Lestrade, text from my brother, something about me and Robin…who the hell is Robin?"

"He means John obviously."

"…How is that obvious? Why would he mean John?"

"Your sidekick, as in Batman and Robin. Wow, I thought he was a clueless as you about real stuff."

"_Real? _Right, I can tell you didn't eat breakfast this morning despite being hungry, just by looking at you, but that will never be as useful as pop culture trivia, obviously."

"You can tell that because I burned my finger on the toaster."

"…What on earth is going on here? First John makes more sense than I do, now you're working out my deductions."

"Six months with your brother-"

"…Yes?"

"Nothing, never mind. I'll be getting back to work then, thanks for your help again."

"It's fine, but I still need to talk to you about Mycroft."

"What the hell Sherlock I thought I told you to drop that?"

"Mycroft said the same, but since when do I do what either of you tell me to?"

"I'm leaving, Sherlock."

"Lestrade, just listen to me."

"Get out of my way."

"You ask my advice whenever you need it, you could do me the courtesy of listening to me now, even if you ignore it."

"Fine, say what you have to say."

"Mycroft loves you."

"…What the f-"

"-If I had my way he'd stop being such a soppy fool, but apparently I don't get to make decisions like that on other people's behalf."

"Sherlock-"

"-My idea was to have nothing more to do with it, but John believes my input makes this my case. He also believes the damage is done now and the only way to better it is to give your relationship a chance."

"That's not-"

"Will you shut up and listen! I sent John to bother Mycroft so that I could talk to you without either of them interrupting. Mycroft thinks you are no longer interested in him if you ever were, I thought the same and I think you'll agree, the combined power of our opinions suggests that _is _what you indicated. You've also really hurt him, twice, since leaving him. For that, I want you out of his life forever."

"Sherlock you are _way _out of line here."

"It's the truth. If I could extricate you from him I would, but people don't work like that even if they should. I know you're one of the good guys, Lestrade, while you're too stubborn to admit you know exactly what Mycroft wanted and failed to say when you left. At the very least, you owe him the truth."

…"Sherlock, what do you want me to do here? He told me never to contact him again, it's over and from what you just said, you should be glad about that."

"Don't be more stupid than you can help, Lestrade. He told you that in anger, because you were insulting him. I said I'd remove you from his life if I could. I can't, because he's in love with you. That makes him an idiot, but an idiot you should tell, if you do not reciprocate his feelings."

"He's _not _an idiot! He just has a normal, _human _side Sherlock! And don't pretend you don't have it too, there's nothing you wouldn't do for John and obviously you care enough about your brother to do this!"

"…Heh, that's what I thought."

"_What?"_

"You're an idiot too."


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi folks, this is the last installment of this story. Sorry for the slow update, hope you all enjoyed it!**

**...**

* * *

><p>...<p>

"Hi Greg, sorry I'm late."

"Morning John, where's Sherlock? Is this not a high enough ranking for him?"

"Actually he said this might be an eight, but he's too scared to leave the flat in case you know who is watching."

"Voldemort?"

"Scarier. Mycroft."

"He thinks hiding in his flat will protect him from Mycroft?"

"That's what I said. He said it won't, but that Mycroft dropping into a crime scene would cause much more of an embarrassing incident than him deigning to visit the flat."

"What's he done to Mycroft?"

"Refused to stop meddling in his business. I know, the irony physically hurts."

"Mycroft's right, Sherlock's sudden turn to meddling tendencies is a pain in the arse. At least Mycroft tends to do it from a distance."

"Well give him a break Greg, people are always telling him how weird his lack of emotions is, now he's had one almost normal moment in being concerned on behalf of his brother and both you and Mycroft are telling him he's wrong."

"The only thing I'm telling him, is that 'me and Mycroft', are over. I'm genuinely glad to know they are both capable of almost human emotion, but I don't actually make or break my relationships on how they effect Sherlock."

…"Greg, you know, I've never really liked Mycroft. The only times I really meet him are while being kidnapped by him-"

"-He only does that for Sh-"

"-The point is, I never doubted that despite him being an actual robot, he does really care about Sherlock. From what I've seen in the last week, I don't doubt how he feels about you either."

"I never said I didn't think he cared, John, our relationship was just unrealistic. He hadn't even told Sherlock!"

"What does that matter?"

"You said it yourself, he really does care about Sherlock and not much else, so why hadn't he told him?"

"Oh, you think he wasn't serious about your relationship because he kept it hidden from his brother?"

"I take it from the scornful tone you've picked up from Sherlock, you disagree."

"If it were even remotely possible for me to keep anything, from what I had for breakfast to what I dreamt about last night, hidden from Sherlock, I'd choose relationships above anything else."

- "But, he's your flat mate."-

"And my best friend, and the worst person in the world to introduce a girlfriend to. He scared off my last five. Besides, given just how much of his time Sherlock spends mocking Mycroft, he probably didn't want to give him ammo."

"None of this is a reason for Sherlock not to butt out, now."

"He didn't get to choose the moment his brother needed his help."

"You're even picking up Sherlock's taste for the dramatic, John."

"Dramatic? Greg, did Sherlock tell you what happened when I went after Mycroft the other day?"

"No, he was too busy yelling at me. Why?"

"I asked Mycroft to come back to the flat, Sherlock had wanted to talk to him. He gave his usual carved-from-ice performance for about a minute, until he suddenly burst into tears in the middle of the street."

"…He…what? _Mycroft?_"

"I'd call that pretty dramatic."

"…But, that's ridiculous, John! He barely even blinked when I left!"

"It's called pride, Greg. Think you might be just a tiny bit guilty on that score too?"

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

"So did the Dark Lord ever show up?"

"No, he's making a much louder point of not doing."

"How's that?"

"He's not here, and can't you just _feel _him not being here."

"Hah, he really is good."

"If by good you mean insufferable, then yes, he's superb."

"That ought to be Scotland Yard's catchphrase."

"Sorry?"

"Nothing. Speaking of Scotland Yard, any word on Lestrade and Mycroft yet?"

"John, do shut up. I realize I have said this before, more than once this week, but I really have now done everything I'm willing to do in this case. I have neither the inclination for idle gossip, nor the necessary information."

"Still waiting for news then huh?"

"I'm waiting for nothing. There's only one possible outcome, I await it's convenience."

"Right. Of course you do. …It's all still quite strange though, don't you think?"

…"What is?"

"Mycroft and Lestrade. It's horrible now to think they've broken up, but we didn't have the faintest clue they were together when they were. I didn't know either of them were gay and, wasn't Lestrade married?"

"Unhappily, yes."

"Did you know Mycroft was gay?"

"No, I don't know he is now, I don't think people are that simple."

…"I can't seriously be being lectured in human relationships by you, Sherlock."

"Oh John, you think it's so abstract and individual, but you couldn't be more wrong. Human relationships are a very simple equation. I'm just pointing out that there's no conclusive data about either of their orientations. Mycroft and Lestrade's…attraction…to each other, might simply have nothing to do with gender."

"No need to sound quite so disgusted by the 'attraction', part, Sherlock."

"I won't pretend I don't think it's a waste of a phenomenal brain."

"Oh you mean because you were so supportive of Mycroft's use of his intelligence before all of this?"

"Doesn't mean I can't think his allowing this distraction is wasteful."

"You'd rather he was alone?"

"If I would, I wouldn't have taken his case."

"My God, you are both just impossible."

"…Who?"

"You and your robot brother! People are not chemical formulas!"

"Well, they-"

"If you hadn't had such a low opinion of your brother's morals in the first place, or if he'd have just told Lestrade how he really felt straight away, there would have been no "case"!"

…"Interesting theory, John, but I'm afraid your premise is flawed. Human relationships _are, _more or less, chemical formulas, or equations. Your variables are also misinterpreted."

"My…what are who now?"

"In the Mycroft, Lestrade Equation, there are a few variables. The state of their relationship before my intervention, the catalyst to their break up and their reactions to it. I was the catalyst, their relationship was already showing signs of weakness and their reactions have only been indicative of their roles, up to that point."

"What in God's name are you talking about?"

"Mycroft, is a misanthropist, a calculating machine. Lestrade is sociable, trusting and generally ineffective."

"Oh lovely, remind me not to let you make a toast at their wedding."

"It is the exact and literal truth, John. They have everything the other is missing: a perfect equation, for a solution greater than the sum of all parts."

"Sherlock, who knew you were such a romantic! They're better off together then, is basically what you're saying. What did all the variables stuff mean?"

"It means that you can only put them together, you can't account for how weel, or how badly, they handle being in a relationship. Mycroft has a natural aversion to allowing such a vulnerability, Lestrade was wary of Mycroft's reputation-"

"-As gifted to him, by us."

"Precisely. My theory would be that they were both expecting it to end badly, which even I could tell you isn't a good foundation for a relationship."

"And they were right?"

"Naturally, one of them is Mycroft."

"But the other is Lestrade, didn't you say he was 'generally-"

"Ineffective. Hence, they were only temporarily right. They needed a catalyst to compound their problems and in doing so, remove them, in the end."

"Oh, you're taking the credit for that now are you?"

"A successful case? Of course."

"Yeah except it hasn't actually been successful yet, Miss Marple, they're still broken up."

"Oh ye of little faith, John."

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

'_I was wrong about you trying to make Sherlock feel guilty, I'm sorry. G'_

'_Yes you were. Thank you. MH'_

'_Not going to have me sent down, for something really fucking seedy, then? G' _

'_That was unprofessional, I apologise. MH' _

'_No it's fine. I might have jumped to conclusions a little bit, it was an unfair accusation._ _I shouldn't have suggested you were only with me to spy on Sherlock, either.__ I'm sorry, if I upset you. G'_

_- 'Mycroft? …It's your turn. G'  
><em>

'_It wasn't you jumping to unfair conclusions, that upset me. M' _

'_What do you mean? G'_

'_I was upset, if upset is the word, somewhat before that incident. M'_

_'You didn't even try to stop me.'_

'_I thought you'd made up your mind.'_

'_I had, on the basis you didn't try to stop me.'_

'_Gregory, this is ludicrous.' _

'_You're right, when you need to talk to someone you take the more much reasonable precaution of kidnapping them.'_

_'That's hardly the point.'_

_'Remember when you first asked me to work with Sherlock?'_

_'Obviously.'_

_'8pm.'_

_..._

* * *

><p>...<p>

"Perfect timing."

"What is?"

"Text from my brother."

"How do you know? Your phone is over here."

"I know who it's from and I know what it will say."

"Does your modesty run in the family?"

"To underestimate ones abilities is as much a departure from the truth as to exaggerate them."

"It's from your brother."

"I know, pass it over."

"Well? Does it say what you expected? I imagine it does from your spectacularly smug smile."

"I am _not _smug."

"You are extraordinarily smug. What does it say?"

"It says the British Government and Scotland Yard's finest have formed an alliance which will be to their detriment in almost every way. That Lestrade does actually know when to listen to me and that my brother is, despite Moriarty's moniker, appallingly _normal_."

"That's a long text."

"See for yourself."

_- 'Thank you, Sherlock. M.'_


End file.
